Ever since I was a tiny thing I watched people. I love people watching, I love people who love to watch people. People are absolutely fascinating.
I would be full of it if I said I didn’t notice what people wore, their style, their mannerisms, their confidence, and yes, their weight. There is a difference of course between noticing who someone is, and judging them because of who they are. If you watch hard enough, you can see the character in someone pretty easily. If you really know how to look for it, it shines bright as day. Character is something that you can’t hide. It is your love, your morality, your passion, and your wits. They who said never judge a book by its cover, never read any books. A bad cover says everything I need to know and more. This brings me to yesterday afternoon at 1:24pm.
You would think a coffee shop at the early afternoon wouldn’t be a prime spot to watch dating action but often a lot of “day dates” take place and I can’t help but watch. Sure, I am catching up on research and planning the rest of my day out, but come on, I am only human. So like any other day I sat there “working” and catching pieces of the conversation and happenings of the table next to me.
At this four top table sat two women and two guys. Based on their appearance I tagged them as all being in their 30’s. The guys looked as if they just stepped out of the “Office” and the girls were dressed to the brim with rocker “thrift” labels and bags the size of a 5th grader. Likely the combined tables music taste read like a who’s who of pitchfork magazine (or insert elitist indie rock review website here). Obviously the guys were having to slum it for the corporate “man” but worry not for them, in 10 years they will be running a cartoon website and sell t-shirts of states.
As the 4 of them sat there it became apparent that one of the guys/girl pair had made a match and the other had made an crash and burn. It was obvious that one was more shy than they other, that they needed a little opening up. Quickly to the rescue their friend makes an even more awkward conversation worse by suggesting the two sit closer together. If any of you ever saw this painful event happen across school cafeterias everywhere as a teenager then you know how horrible this is to watch. It is quite a boost though for the friend who is saying it isn’t it?
See while it may seem that this friend is just “trying to help” what this “friend” is really doing is demonstrating that they have a higher value than you. They are putting on the display that they are the “hot one”, that they are the “cool one.” This is the furthest thing from the truth because a good friend, a “cool one”, would never be that stupid and basically kill your chances of looking like you have value in front of your potential date. No, thanks to this friend the “shy” has gone to “mortified.” Just when I think it can’t get any worse, they pat on their friends stomach and say “He’s just shy cause he needs to lose a few, it’s okay dude, more to love!”
What a jackass.
You weren’t sure if it was the guy or girl till then were you? Doesn’t matter, story is true all around.
The guy that says this to his “buddy” is a twigg, no muscle, and could use to add a few pounds himself. Still he is flying high because he has his designated “fat friend” around to help him feel better about himself. He is always going to look like a better choice, and his false confidence plays as the real thing to those who don’t have a BS radar.
What can his buddy do? Sure he could get another friend, but if your out there my man I have a better suggestion. Take some of that muscle mass I saw on that frame of yours, knock some fat off of it, start lifting like a freaking god, and 6 months later give him a pat on the back and say “better luck next time” as you walk away with the prettiest girl in the room.
http://fatlosstroubleshoot.com
Well, it wouldn’t let me post earlier. Great post, Leigh! Totally true!
[...] Body bits: yes you can train several days in a row, a fun strength-endurance programming tweak, clean-style deadlift technique (and a grip for good measure), clubbells are safer than ab rollers, fixing the scapular push-up, don’t confuse “Health at Every Size” with “fat is fab,” thinking about movement patterns and more, the Feldenkrais Method (think proprioceptive rehab), go play some ultimate frisbee, therapeutic movement goes mainstream, a conditioning lesson from a birthing book, why your friends want you fat. [...]
Ahh.. the story of the shy guy, I know it well. He knows he could have had both girls on his arm by the end of the coffee date by redeeming his value, beating his friend at a fun arm wrestling match on the spot then running with the momentum! Or he could take a risk and just knock his buddy off his seat and onto the floor – you know, in a joking manner.
But alas, he won’t do any of it.
I can honestly say I don’t have any friends like this.. anymore, at least – the benefit to being a hermit is the few friends you do have are really good ones, none of the pretenders and users! The one friend that was a user, once I started losing weight and realized her for what she was, that was a magnificent crash and burn. She called and had more sob stories for herself and I snapped: “I’m sorry, I have my own problems and I can’t handle the negativity. Unless it stops, this friendship is over.” And it ended, just like that, not one more word was ever spoken. “No” became a whole lot easier to say after that.
Imagine being 14 and everyone waiting on you to place your order at a restaurant so that they can all make sure to order less than you as to not look like the fat one! While I’m glad I’m not the token “fat friend” anymore (not because I am suddenly slim but because I don’t have the tolerance to deal with that) I know what it’s like to be that person and be mortified. You should have piped in and given the guy your card and let him know his potential.
Actually, she did pipe in and give that guy her card. That guy was most of us that Leigh helped with the OBM challenge.
It not only doesn’t matter if it was a guy or girl, it doesn’t matter if it was a date, job interview, project at work, etc, etc.
Right on Leigh.
This hit a nerve. I wasn’t that guy, I am that guy. I don’t want to be that guy anymore. I watch that Pick-Up Artist show and I just dream of a chance like that but I am starting to realize I have to give myself my own chance. Thanks Leigh.
Jim-That was awesome man.
Nice friend. I was the shy guy, but luckily my friends were losers.
Terral, you can do it!!
I know I’m freaking late but welcome back lol. I have lost track of you for a while but I found your email in my mailbox today. Yeah! bbep rocks btw. I watched Paula Dean’s food network clips today. I would have to say your foods look much betta!
I used to be in the same position as that fat guy (though I’m not fat. Naturally toothpick people are just mean like that, you know.) Post OBM, I’m in a better position to say the least. I lost another 2-5 lbs after the challenge and now maintain around 115-118lbs. Lucky me, I learned the importance of accountability from you, Leigh!
** Waving to Sinead. Hi. How are you doing? Miss ya!
Hi Warasa!
Hey Warasa!
Good going on your success after the challenge! Recent setback here, sick home with a cold, but I’m hanging in there.
Cynthia
Sinead- Thank you.
Mike- He really needs to watch The Pick Up Artist. I am glad you no longer have friends like this!
Candice- No one should have to deal with people treating them that way. Good for you to not let it happen.
Jim and James- Thanks.
Terral- I love The Pick Up Artist ^ Obviously. It is hard to change but it is so worth it.
Roland- Nice, I am sure your friends appreciate the
Warasa- Thanks (better late than never). Fantastic on your results, I am very happy for you!
Cynthia- Hope you feel better soon.