Where we last left off we were discussing the selection process of dating. Let’s assume now that you have chosen your mate. Be it marriage or a serious long term relationship, the person you are with now is settled into your life. What now?
Makeover that never was
Studies show that 74% of all relationships are entered into based on the hope of making large changes in the person that they are with. Meaning that from the get go the majority of people had a desire for an improvement for the person that they were with. Funny that the very thing that you wanted to improve on your partner (or them to you) isn’t what you think. 89% of the time the improvement that you want to make on your partner (or them to you) is the #1 thing that THEY complain about. If I asked you “If you could change one thing about your partner, what would it be?” how likely are you to give an answer of something that you know that want to change themselves? While people are judgmental, the truth always has been that the finger that points the hardest is towards ourselves.
Family feud results are in
What is the number one personal complaint about ourselves? Do I really need to tell you? You guessed it. In both men and women the number one complaint about ourselves is personal body composition. Men who gained weight were more likely to report marital problems than men who lost weight and they have a harder time dealing with it than women. However, men are twice as likely to have a problem with their partner being overweight. Goes to show you that the thing we are most insecure about with ourselves are what we are most critical of when it comes to others.
Honey, what did you get from the store today?
Women lead by a large margin in the department of food control. Women do the shopping, the cooking, and the food selection in the majority of households. Many studies have shown that women are triggered by more emotional behavioral eating and pulled more towards carbohydrates to stimulate a positive endorphin signaling in the brain. The problem is that the constant back and forth that occurs through the comfort eating process causing control issues and feeling of guilt. This leads to suppressing anger towards their mate. Women more than men try to make up for their “failing” appearance and will power. In doing so it can lead towards allowing their counterpart to respect them less which can lead to a cascade of problems. On the flip side women are more verbal than men about their unhappiness with their weight thinking that men don’t care or are even proud of their loss of lean body. They try to please them with the food they buy, but guilt them for it later due to jealousy and personal doubt at the moment of change. Oh that tangle web we weave.
Change is Scary
At some point something clicks for one in the couple. Ideally it would be both, but it is usually rare that this occurs. The majority of you reading this now are here because you have a desire or a need to change your body composition. Getting the education is only half the battle. Let’s assume that now you know what it is that you have to do in order to achieve fat loss (because you bought the book right?) but applying that in real life is easier said than done. There are 3 main obstacles that the majority of you are going to have to deal with when you start dieting down. Hopefully these tips will help you get through them.
#1-They don’t like your food-
It is hard enough to re-teach your tastebuds when motivated but changing the tastebuds of those who aren’t. Your family may not like your food. They may hate your food. They want different food. They want you to make them pie, order a pizza, or keep those snacks around that you nibble on yourself. Yeah, try sticking to your calories when you have a large cheese pizza in from of you.
Solution?
They need to suck it up and help you. If you really care enough to change then it shouldn’t take a lifetime and they can deal with making it easier on you for a short time. If you don’t think you deserve it, it won’t go over well. If you don’t really want it, it won’t go over well. You need to be as dedicated to it as you hope they are. That is the first step. Now that you have that understood, I want to leave you with one more thing. If you really can’t go to your family and ask them for this help, then you may have found one of the reasons you went to food in the first place.
#2-Sabotage brought on by fear-
Is the wife complaining about you losing your softness? Is your boyfriend all the sudden bringing home fast food or making stuff he didn’t used to? Are you starting to get complaints about how you are changing or that you are cheating? This is nothing but a sad attempt of not allowing you to change because of what that change might mean. A lot of people have a hard time understanding that you could be unhappy with an aspect of you life, but that doesn’t mean you want a completely different one.
Solution?
While they are being big babies it doesn’t matter, they are still scared. Your job, is to do the best you can to remind them, all the time, how much you love them. They need to know that you are doing this for yourself and so that you can be happier be with them. You need to assure them about your fears, really talk to them and let you know who you are. Remember people fear what they don’t understand.
#3-You do feel different, and you don’t know what that means
Sometimes when we finally gain a certain level of respect we realize that we made some bad decisions along the way. Sometimes that is in our job, sometimes it is in our friends, and sometimes it is in our partner. You aren’t going to find me on the camp of staying with someone because it is the right thing to do. I have seen so much in my life and if it is one thing I know, it is that life is too beautiful to waste it just because it is the right thing to do.
Solution?
Try, try with all your might to grow with the person you are with. However, if they can’t grow with you, if they are bringing you down, then fly like a bird, fly far far away.
